Well, I don't know if anyone still reads this blog... I mean... if I was following it and there wouldn't have been an update since 4 months ago, I'd probably have given up on it. But just in case there's any lone reader out there who isn't keeping up with our happenings on Facebook or elsewhere, I thought I'd write you...
The last couple of weeks have been pretty unexpectedly hard at the Emmans house, but the weeks preceeding them were some of the best ones...
If you didn't already know, we found out in July that we were expecting baby # 2! Brian and I were SOOO excited and didn't wait long to share our great news with mostly everyone. We made plans and looked forward to meeting our new little guy/girl...
About 10 days ago though, we found out that baby #2 isn't coming anymore... We were sad. We cried. We prayed. We talked. We prayed. We waited... We're still sad...
If you see me, don't ask What Happended, and don't ask How I am. I Am Sad.
We don't have answers.. these things never come with real answers/explanations...
We know we aren't walking this road alone. That's a good thing. And we know we are being changed. That's also a good (and painful) thing. Really, what else do I need to know? Not much, except that it is all happening for a very good reason (that I can't fathom), and that it will all be made right and clear one day.
In the meantime, I'll try to live life, love my child and my husband, and get to know and love God a little deeper than I could before.
Tonight, when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet, that looks like playing my guitar and letting God comfort me like only He can.
I wish I could have seen my baby's face. I wish I could have heard his laugh, held him close, walked hand in hand and laughed at silly things together. I wish I could have sung him a lullaby and watched him drift to sleep. I wish I could have seen him/her grow....
One day though, I WILL see my baby - my baby made perfect by Someone who can love him way better than I ever could. And I will sit and listen to all their stories.... And in these stories, there won't be any tears, teething, scraped knees, nightmares, good byes or broken hearts. I will be glad that my baby will have been safe and happy all along in Someone's capable arms... My own pain then won't be remembered... only joy will remain.
Until then, I will try and rest in those same capable arms.
4 comments:
I'm a stranger, but your words just gave me new light on my children .. they are a gift and you helped me to appreciate them more tonight. Thank you for sharing .. I'm praying for you .. God does have the bigger plan we can't see... have peace and trust with that
You continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
Leigh Ann
I could've written this. I had a miscarriage on Nov. 2 at 13 weeks. It still hurts. I still find myself crying a lot, but these have been comforting to me.
"Come troubled believer, fret not over your heavy troubles, for they are the heralds of weighty mercies."
CH Spurgeon
"If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; if He has made your cup bitter, drink it in communion with Him." Oswald Chambers
"The use of the voice assists the thoughts. Still, there is a voice in silent supplication, a voice in our weeping, a voice in that sorrow which cannot find a tongue: that voice the Lord will hear if its cry is meant for his ear."
C.H. Spurgeon
Thank you for the kind words and the prayers. There is hope and peace to be had in the Lord.
I like the quotes. Finding yourself in a sentence well written is strangely comforting. A good friend recently shared this:
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one" -C.S. Lewis
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