Thoughts on a parent's love as we anticipate meeting our new baby girl

I started this post around Mother's Day, when Bri took the kiddos to Tampa Zoo so I could have a "day off" and get some pampering in.  He does this for me for special occasions (and it feels especially good when you're eight or more months pregnant), slowing down the pace of life to almost a stop, to be able to think in slow motion...

Yes, I do realize props to my husband are definitely in order!  He loves me, and cares to continue to grow in knowing me, as we both continually change...

Love this man!!!

So, back to thinking in slow motion...
While I did enjoy my Mother's Day massage quite a lot,  I cannot begin to describe how rejuvenating it was to be able to peacefully take a step back and look at my life from outside of the frame; to turn it slowly on each facet, like a beautifully sculpted  piece of art, and look at the details; to be able to see with the clarity of an early morning after the rain, the crisp details and beautiful reflections of my life as a whole, that escape me mostly during 'everyday living'.  Bri says I always get "nostalgic" when I have time on my own without him and the kids.  I'd say I become a little softer, and a whole lot more thankful for them and the blessings in my life...

Well here I am now, a month later, sitting alone at the kitchen table with my thoughts, while Bri and the kids are out, and once again my mind slows down, and I'm thinking in slow motion.

As I'm anticipating this little baby girl arriving soon, I think of each of my (still) little miracles God has brought into my life..

Luca at 7 years old, with his bright smile and boisterous, adventurous but sweet spirit... I love seeing him as the "big brother"...

Ana, my sweet, beautiful little girl at 3 1/2, who bursts into song and dance on a whim,  growing up too fast....

Levi, at almost 2, funny and feisty, but so loving, coming into his own...

                                      

So as I take time to look back, I remember when I first became a mom.
It was my first time ever feeling this intense connection and love for my child... It blew my mind, and I was afraid I could never again love another child with such passionate all-encompassing love.  Then along came Ana and my heart not just expanded to allow room for extra love,  but it was regrown and rewired all anew - a heart that could hold this all-consuming love for my son and daughter all together.  Levi came along and I wasn't nervous anymore about whether I'd be capable to love as much as before or as intensely.  As babies do, he seamlessly filled that spot in our family that God had created for him in advance.  It's a miraculous thing, this transition.  We get so caught up into the specifics and details that come with preparing for a new baby... rearrange our house, prepare the baby's room, think through schedules and everyday changes, sometimes even lose sleep over things like -- the garage needs an overhaul -- or  -- the family room needs to be changed and reorganized--....

But as I sit here and contemplate this rebirthing of my heart that includes my newest baby girl (almost) ready to meet us, the details flee for a little while and I just know this love, this renewed, ardent love that only expands... And the thought downs on me....

Isn't this the kind of love that God as our Father has for each of us? How does this escape me so many times? 
Yes, I know I am His daughter and that He cares for me and loves me with a never ending love, but somehow, the ardent, passionate, all encompassing aspect of His love for ME as His child eludes me most of the time... He has made His love known to me; He wants me to know it, own it, and take great rest and comfort in it... He wants me to let it define me as HIS OWN, but I mostly don't... I'm like a little child, who runs to mom or dad with her/his little scraped knee or bumped brow, and I gladly take His comfort in the moment, then run off to play again, mostly unaware that His love runs SO MUCH DEEPER than what I needed in that moment to make things right in my world again.

So, as I contemplate holding my baby girl in a matter of days, and having my heart explode again with the passionate love one feels for their child, I pray I can remember to rely on His amazing, GREATER THAN LIFE love for me as His daughter, so that when I go through hard times, or child birth, or exhaustion from sleepless nights, I won't have to "run back" to Him for a bit of comfort to help me keep going, but simply turn my thoughts on Him, having been there, in sweet awareness of His immense love, all along.  

Levi : Joined in harmony

August 12th was supposed to be my baby boy's due date, but he reluctantly made his entrance into our family 9 days ago.

Levi Claudius Emmans was born on August 3rd, 2012, at 7:45 pm, weighing 8 lbs 4 oz and measuring 20 in tall.
 

a few minutes after he was born

We've had this sweet little baby boy home with us for a little over a week and I can't imagine life without him in it anymore.  In our family, much has changed forever.

 

I love the first few weeks in a newborn's life.  In spite of the sleepless nights, the pains of recovering from child birth, the figuring out of the transitions that take place, this is a deeply special time for me.

It's a time for watching my baby sleep peacefully.  A sleeping baby is such a picture of vulnerability, of complete trust and abandon...

I love to talk to him and watch him turn his little face slowly towards my voice... I love to see his eyes look towards me, during the few minutes he is awake each day.  

I love to see him change from day to day - his little features become more defined, his dimples, his ears, his hands , his cheeks...
I love to let him grab my finger or my shirt with his tiny hand, and hold onto it.  I LOVE being his whole world... a world which is rapidly extending.


A huge part of motherhood from here on out will be about him growing into his own, and about me letting go...

But for these first few weeks, I revel in being the palpable answer to most of his needs.. I learn about the exquisite satisfaction of providing for another being, yet again.  I bask in  being a mom. I remember that part of the reason for which I was made was him, my little Levi.

 










 This is also a time to dream about his life, about who he will become, about the paths he will walk and choices he will make.  It is, perhaps most importantly, a time to pray over him.  His life is (for us) an unwritten book, a beautiful book with lots of blank, white pages to be filled.  So I pray for him, and ask God's grace and favor on his life.  I look at his tiny feet,


and ask the Lord to guide his steps; I look at his little hands and ask that they grow and stay strong and busy with the works God prepared in advance his life; I look at his beautiful round baby head and ask that his thoughts be pure, that his mind be a place for whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent and praiseworthy...







  Our Levi is a gift from God and fits into our family's life perfectly...

I love this card we received a couple days ago from Levi's Great Grandmother.  It says:

  "One of the sweetest things about welcoming a new baby boy is learning how you fit together...The way his sleepy weight fills your arms so perfectly and how that place where neck and shoulder meet suddenly seems made for him to snuggle his head into.  But even more than that, it's discovering just how beautifully he fits into your life - how there was always a place right in the heart of your family just waiting for this precious boy to come and fill it with so much love."

And that's what Levi did.  

To My Little Man

Today is a day for thinking. I told Brian I LOVE a chance to be in my head... to let myself think without worrying about the time or things on my to do list, to follow my train of thought all the way to the end.  It's a rare and special treat.

 We have decided on our baby boy's name. It is exciting to think of him by name. No, I won't write it here, I'd rather announce it when he comes... I've always liked not finding out the gender, but that isn't always the most practical thing to do.. So I think that keeping the name a secret is a good compromise and will add to the element of surprise. :) It's a strange kind of feeling to be so close to someone, to feel him, think of him, care about him, make room in your life for him, and yet, to not be able to imagine what he looks like... It's like looking through a dark mirror and not seeing any details.. I think our imagination fills in the blanks, and that's enough for now, but oh I look forward to the moment when it'll be time to hold him, and look in his little face.. What a special gift to receive at a specific time appointed by God...

As Luca and Ana are both napping today (doesn't happen often), the house is eerily quiet and I found myself talking to my little man in my head.  He makes sure to let me know constantly that he is right here, very close, and loves to kick and flip and stretch and move.

So here is what I was "telling" him:

Dear Little Man,

          How sweet it is to hold you this close now, to think about you and talk to you... I am so excited to see you very soon, to look into your little eyes and cuddle you close, and talk and sing to you, and hold  your tiny face in my hands, and listen to you, and watch you sleep.. 

One of my biggest desires is to be a better mom for you and your brother and sister each day; to let God teach me how to show you what a good God He is, and just how deeply and profoundly He loves you.. I pray all the time that you would get to know Him intimately and be His child and His friend...

          Oh and you have a really fun Daddy here who can't wait to meet you, hold you, play with you and make you giggle, and let you fall asleep on his left shoulder :)  He's been wanting you and dreaming about you for a long long time...  He will probably be the very first person to hold you in our world. 

          And just wait till you meet the greatest big brother and sister ever!  They talk about you every day, feel you move, pray for you to grow big and strong, healthy and kind and handsome, and to love God and people... They plan all kinds of fun stuff to do with you.  

         Luca will teach you how to play soccer, and how to wrestle, and take care of you and protect you at the playground, and Ana will definitely hover over you so you never miss your paci or your bottle, or your blanket.. :)  She will ask you if your "tummy huhts?" and give you kisses and hugs, and sing to you "Nani, Puișor".. :)  

          We are all SO happy you're a part of our family... Soon, very soon, when that special day comes, we will be ready sweet boy.

                                                                  

                                                                                                           Mommy

Oh and before I forget, here's what we look like now, as we anticipate your arrival:

35 and counting

When I was in my 20s, I thought 35 was OLD. Couldn't truly imagine myself there.  And then I blinked and here I am, a fresh new 35 year old who doesn't feel one year past 25 on the inside.
I was asking myself... what have I done that is truly worth while during these 35 years..  and if I did come up with some answers, how quantifiable would those answers be? 

Well, I couldn't spend all day in introspection mode.. after all, I do have an almost 5 year old and an almost  1 1/2 year old, so anything introspective happens late at night or early in the morning only, but I did realize something.  Every day I have, everyone of these approximately 12,785 days have been given to me one by one, with a new set of promises each morning... I know for a fact I have squandered some of them... but when I look at my sweet kids, a great man to call me his best friend and his love, and a hope for a plan and a future because of a very real Savior, the numbers fade and I resolve to take each day at a time, without looking at the numbers too much.  Each day comes with its own potential, it's own kind of currency that expires at the end of it.  Can't save the days, bank the days, or use the days later. 
So I resolve to use them as they are given, to the best of my ability, for something significant in some way, something that carries eternal value, even though that's hardly measurable.  There will be no graph with an ascending curb line, no growth chart, no bottom line to add to, for me to keep track of any sort of progress, and I'm ok with that.. Someone is aware, and watching, and prompting, and cheering me on, and when I finish the race, I hope to hear "well done... good and faithful servant". 

And on a day like this, let me tell you, it's not that hard to get perspective.  Here are some of my reasons to live and smile and get up each day and start over again:

This man right here.

He still can make me laugh like no one else can...

These sweets, especially when I come home from a really fun date, and find these "gifts" they made for me (props to Chelsea who indulged them):

Today is the day...

I've been looking forward to sharing this, and what better day than today!
I have kept this off FB on purpose, but by now, basically everyone I run into around here (as in Orlando) knows we are expecting.  Can't really keep it a secret for too long if you know what I mean :)
Well, what we are finding out today is that we are having a  ************!

Stay tuned.  I'll let Luca tell you, since he will be the first one to find out.

Drum roll pleeeease.....
Click here:
It's a....

Pentru Mămicuţa

I miss Mămicuţa, my sweet Grandma in Romania, so I used Shutterfly to make this photobook for her, since she always asks me to send her copies of the pics I take while visiting.  This is mainly a recap of our visit with her back in August.   

Click here to view this photo book larger

Click here to create your own Shutterfly photo book.

First Day of Preschool

Ready for school 

Today is Luca's first day of preschool.  I've know this day was coming for a long time, but this morning when he came out of his bedroom with a delightful bedhead and a quiet smile, I felt like the day caught me by surprise.  Don't get me wrong - his backpack was packed, his lunch made, and we had finished his "homework" that he proudly displays (a "Packed with stuff about Me" picture)...  and I still feel like today just sort of snuck up on me.  How can my first baby be ready for school??
He's been ready though.  For a long time.  Ready to jump in there and brave the world of preschool.
His one (little) concern a few days ago had been What if they play a game that I don't know? 
     Now, for all you moms out there, I admit that watching him walk in there and sit down in his chair, then say good bye to us and jump right into the world of school without looking back, my breath caught a little.
I'm home now, Ana's napping, and my house feels eerily quiet without him running around.  I found myself praying for him throughout my day, and started wondering if I made the most of every day I had him with me, if I hugged and kissed him every chance I had, and while at this, asked forgiveness for all the times I've yelled at him or lost my patience for silly little things.
They do grow up so fast... and I guess learning to let go feels like this.  I've got much more of that coming my way I'm sure.
     Either way, this is a great new stage for my sweet little boy all grown up, and I am excited for him. Today we celebrate this new beginning. Next thing you know, he'll be headed out to college...

Basketball moments

My little man is a big basketball fan.  He watches the games on TV, and he's not even 4 yet, but he really loves playing as well. He takes after Papa. 
Today we were out in the back yard where we have a basketball hoop, and he was making shots, dribbling, showing me different moves. 
After a while he says to me with a sad/frustrated look on his face "Mama, I'm not a good dribbler".. And since he seemed really serious I took a closer look.  Poor kid, his basketball was half deflated, but he was still managing to keep the ball going for a while. :)  That's a real player - one that can dribble even with a deflated ball.
He requested that I lower the hoop, so he can do a slam dunk, and that was a definite pick me up for him.  His "game" picked up so much so that after a while he came and sat down and said - "it's time for the dancers to go out on the court". :)  Yes, he has gone to quite a few Magic games and he has his own (imaginary) cheerleaders that come out at half time right here in our back yard.

I wish I could spend hours every day watching him play, and giving him a thumbs up after each basket he makes (as he required today).  As I watch him, I wonder where life will take him, if basketball will be a major part of it or not.. but it's not basketball that I will necessarily remember from these moments.  It's his beautiful eyes lighting up and looking back at me with the pride of accomplishing something, it's the drive to try and try again and the resolve to keep going, it's his sweet little face smiling at me like the world is ok... the easy nonchalance and simplicity with which he approaches his days, every moment, without the fear of running out of time.  He lives in the moment..  That's no easy task for me.  I'm always running out of time... always rushing to the next thing.  So tonight I'm saying to myself - Stop and smell the proverbial flowers.  Get a glimpse of the world through the eyes of a child...  Breathe, and live in the moment. It's really not about basketball.  :)

Merry Christmas!

Just stopping by the blogging world to say...

Hope that this Christmas, you can pause and take in the wonder of how God came down, as a humble, vulnerable baby boy, and reached out to us, extending a hope and a future that we could never have dreamt up on our own...

From our family to yours,

Merry Christmas!!!

Happy 1 month to my sweet Ana

Hi to the lone reader out there.  I have planned many times to revisit the world of blogging and frankly didn't know for sure if that was even going to happen before 2010 was over, but here I am once again - no better occasion than to wish my sweet little girl a happy "1 month" day. 
Yes, lots has happened since my last post in February, but to sum it all up, let me just say we found out we were expecting back in March, and were so excited to welcome our sweet little girl into our family a month ago today.  We named her Ana Catherine (Ana for my mom and Catherine for Bri's mom). 
I have taken the last month to be home and focus (as much as possible), on just being with my new baby and on figuring out how to best be a mom of two.  I conclude that 1 month is not nearly enough time to have anything figured out, even with my sweet mom here to help out.

I would love to learn to be a more consistent blogger in the next year, and use this space to document family happenings, such as trips, holidays, milestones, and whatever else comes our way, so bear with me (an inconsistent blogger) once more..

In the meantime, enjoy these pics of baby Ana - my little principessa (as Brian calls her).  {Props to my friend Emily who is such a talented photographer.  You can find her here.}  

 There's something so precious about a newborn baby sleeping... 

 

 

These cute little lips and tiny nose rock my world.

She was exactly 1 week old here.. and smiling.. :)

Perfectly vulnerable...

Joy

So close...

"My little Principessa"

8 pound treasure

big feet... little feet

Wow... family of 4 overnight

Luca's in love

One of the few awake moments..

Ana looks just like Luca when he was born

Life will never be the same again...

 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Before I start, let me just say - I KNOW Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday... a "made up holiday"... etc.. etc... and that's ok. I understand that it's just another day, but it's also an ordinary day when you can choose to do something out of the ordinary for the one that you say you love, that special person you spend your life closest to.

Well, my dear husband outdid himself this year. If you know him, you know he loves surprises! Here's how my "special" day went (I celebrated it on Friday). He took the day off of work and said to me on Thursday night that I needed to be ready to go by 8:30 am the next morning, which I of course did. I showed up in the kitchen at 8:30 sharp, and sat down to eat breakfast with him (he knew I wouldn't make time for breakfast otherwise). At 8:45 on the dot, he informed me that I needed to go. "Go where?" "You'll see", he said. So I blindly go get in the car and find the navigational system plugged in, and a basket on the passenger seat, with little sealed envelopes labeled #1, #2, #3, #4 (attached to a package), #5 and #6. I opened note #1 which said, among other things: "Good morning Valentine! So your journey begins. I know you say you don't like surprises, but I hope that you will feel loved, pampered and renewed. You'll need to be at the address below by 9:15am. When you arrive, open envelope #2."
I have to confess that on the way there, I was secretly hoping for some spa action - something I hardly ever indulge in. I couldn't wait to pull into the indicated parking lot and rip open envelope #2:
"... I wanted to give you a day of relaxation so that is what this will be. Attached you will find the gift certificate, your spa itinerary and tip money. Hopefully they do an amazing job... Your journey is not over so when you are done and back in the car open envelope #3."

I was so excited to go in and just forget about everything else for the next 2 1/2 hours! I got a nice massage and a French manicure/pedicure. He even remembered to put 2 pairs of flip-flops under the seat in my car (my favorite ones and my comfy ones), because of course, I couldn't wear my shoes afterward and ruin my perfectly painted French pedicure! :)

I was then off to the car again to open my next envelope - #3. This one said: "...Do you feel relaxed?.. Well, I'm sure you worked up an appetite so your next trip will be to a little place I found with some of your favorite food. Go to the address below and get whatever you want!...When you arrive, make sure to bring envelope #4 and the package with you. Open it up when you sit down to eat."

So off I went and about 4 miles down the road I found this cute little place that sells pitas, hummus, gyros and some other Mediterranean things that I really like. It was POURING down rain but there was an umbrella in the car, so I waltzed in there with my note # 4, package to open and a great appetite. Who knew that you could have so much fun by yourself when it was pouring outside? I was literally singing in the rain, and couldn't wipe this sheepish smile off my face. :)

I ordered my pita and hummus and sat down to open the next note that said this (among other things): "...Well, I couldn't just leave you alone to eat without anything to do could I? You may now open the package and don't continue reading until you have done so". I ripped it open and pulled out this big book he had made (printed and bound) for me. It took me but a second to open it and figure out what it was. So exciting! I caught my breath and read on: "...Yep! I found a copy of the book Stephanie Meyer wrote from Edward's perspective. Enjoy your reading but not for too long. You need to leave around 2:45 for your next journey. Head to the address below and open envelope # 5 when you pull into the parking lot. Happy reading!"

I have to say that as of late, one of my favorite things to do is go some place quiet and sit down and read a book. I LOVE reading but I can't find the time to do much of it at home, since most days our house is jumping with happy feet and busy little hands pulling on my sleeve, getting into things, etc. :) Now this was a treat, especially since I really got into this series and saw both movies, etc.. Only you Twilight fans will understand. Bri isn't an avid fan but he humors me and even went to the movies with me when they came out. [I can hear a collective "how sweet" from you right now. :)]

My allotted reading time just flew by and I found myself in the car again wondering where I was driving to. I couldn't think of what else he had planned. If the day stopped here, I would have been more than satisfied. :) Knowing Brian, my next destination could be anything, but wait, not a Publix, right? Wait a minute - there's also a Home Depot next to it.. hmmm... why would he send me to this shopping center?

I pulled over and read the next note - #5: "So what do I want you to do in Publix? Well, absolutely nothing! This was a distraction from your 'real' destination, which follows. Recognize the address? Yep, it's Tory's house. I made an appointment to get your hair colored and cut (optional if you want). She is expecting you so hurry up! When you are back in the car open up the final envelope - #6."

What? It wasn't over? Ah! I'd been wanting to get my hair done for a long while, and I would surely have recognized the address if he sent me straight there. It was a longer drive, so he sent me to the Publix on the way to keep me guessing a while longer. :)

So off I went to my friend Tory's house, who of course was in on the whole thing. She did a fabulous job on my hair and I felt like I had gotten a makeover by the end of the day.... I walked out to the car, got in and waited a second before opening my final note from Bri... It had been such a great day and I didn't want it to be over... His note said many things that made me smile and warmed me on the inside, but I will keep those to myself and just tell you the end of it: "...I love you babe, now come home to me so I can see you and we can go out on our date together. Drive safe. See you soon. Brian (your Valentine)". I met him shortly after, and we went to dinner and a movie - a great end to a great day!

I had had all this time in the car by myself, with my thoughts..... and I found myself reminiscing about the days before we were married, when we didn't get to see each other all the time.. the times when my thoughts gravitated around where he was and what he might be doing... or when I would see him next... and I asked myself where the wonder goes after you've been married for a few years... You still love him/her, but the wonder of this person can sneak out of your days unnoticed, when other things like work, chores, responsibilities, and to do lists crowd every empty minute in your day...

That is why, my friends, we need days like Valentines Day. We are creatures of habit and our lives revolve around routines and reminders. That's why we have seasons, and holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc...) because this is how we work - we need these markers. God instituted different holidays throughout the Old Testament - times to set aside the usual daily routine and remember / celebrate something important, something out of the ordinary. No, I am not saying that Valentines Day is from the Bible or that it's right up there with the "real" holidays... I'm just saying that to me it seems like a pretty good reminder to set aside what's going on in your day and find your own way to celebrate each other. To those that say "I can do that any other day of the year", I say: "Ok. Than take that other day of the year and really do it!"

Frankly, it takes extra time and energy to do something special. You have to put the other person first and give something of yourself. It's far easier to fall back on the old "it's not a real holiday/it's not a big deal" excuse. I've been there myself.

Not this year though. I was inspired to do something for Bri myself, because he took the lead. I know that I probably won't ever pull off the elaborate things he plans for me, but it's not a competition. I will take the time to let him know - really know - that he is on my mind, that I love him, and that I still feel the wonder of who he is and of who he is becoming right in front of my eyes. I resolve to not let it slip away unnoticed. I will set reminders and discipline myself to celebrate "us"...

This Valentine's Day I felt loved and cherished. How about you?...

Happy New Year!

Hi friends,

How did your year start out? Same old same old? At the Emmans house, the holidays came and went with a little less stress then last year's, and with a little more peace and quiet in our days, even in the midst of busyness. Don't get me wrong. We all have "those"days, but overall, I can say I didn't feel like I held my breath through it all. That's a good thing. :)

I've been thinking about how this year is starting out for us... and I can honestly say I am thankful to see the Lord's hand in our lives. It might be because of the "clean slate" feeling that I typically get at the beginning of a new year, but I sense a new enthusiasm to keep working on goals set a while ago, and also adding new ones.

Here are a few things that I thank the Lord for as we start a new year:

• My relationship with Brian and a refreshing mode of communication with each other
• Our church and moving toward a new stage as we go to Moss Park Elementary.
• Our small group, and all the promise it holds as a place for growth, for deepening relationships, and for new friendships.
• Being close to our family here in Orlando.
• My family from all over (Romania, Spain, England) and somehow keeping close to each other across the miles and across the years.
• A few old friends to share life with, and a few new ones to add to the list.
• Being able to stay home with Luca and see him grow, as I share some of my days with a few special kiddos that the Lord brought into our lives.

Talk about Luca, I can't resist putting a couple of pics of him on here, mainly for those who are not on Facebook very often. His favorite gift this year has been a little battery operated Thomas the Train. This little guy quickly became a serious friend!

There are other things to add to my list, but it isn't meant to be exhaustive. It's just a prompting to stop and think of how God has reached into our lives and started us down the new year. Hopefully this will put wind into your sails as it has into mine.

What are you thankful for?

Good News Bad News

Well, I don't know if anyone still reads this blog... I mean... if I was following it and there wouldn't have been an update since 4 months ago, I'd probably have given up on it. But just in case there's any lone reader out there who isn't keeping up with our happenings on Facebook or elsewhere, I thought I'd write you...

The last couple of weeks have been pretty unexpectedly hard at the Emmans house, but the weeks preceeding them were some of the best ones...

If you didn't already know, we found out in July that we were expecting baby # 2! Brian and I were SOOO excited and didn't wait long to share our great news with mostly everyone. We made plans and looked forward to meeting our new little guy/girl...


About 10 days ago though, we found out that baby #2 isn't coming anymore... We were sad. We cried. We prayed. We talked. We prayed. We waited... We're still sad...


If you see me, don't ask What Happended, and don't ask How I am. I Am Sad.

We don't have answers.. these things never come with real answers/explanations...


We know we aren't walking this road alone. That's a good thing. And we know we are being changed. That's also a good (and painful) thing. Really, what else do I need to know? Not much, except that it is all happening for a very good reason (that I can't fathom), and that it will all be made right and clear one day.


In the meantime, I'll try to live life, love my child and my husband, and get to know and love God a little deeper than I could before.


Tonight, when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet, that looks like playing my guitar and letting God comfort me like only He can.


I wish I could have seen my baby's face. I wish I could have heard his laugh, held him close, walked hand in hand and laughed at silly things together. I wish I could have sung him a lullaby and watched him drift to sleep. I wish I could have seen him/her grow....


One day though, I WILL see my baby - my baby made perfect by Someone who can love him way better than I ever could. And I will sit and listen to all their stories.... And in these stories, there won't be any tears, teething, scraped knees, nightmares, good byes or broken hearts. I will be glad that my baby will have been safe and happy all along in Someone's capable arms... My own pain then won't be remembered... only joy will remain.


Until then, I will try and rest in those same capable arms.

My nephew Isaac and his cousins, Silvan and Luca

Hi there friends. Time to check in again as promised. I bet my Kansas friends are proud of me right now :)

I got to meet my nephew Isaac in person for the first time this trip. He is the son of my one and only brother - Eddie. By the way, he and his wife Laura are coming to Romania in a few days (from Spain), and we are totally looking forward to seeing them. It's been way too long since the last time we've seen them. They sent Isaac ahead with his grandparents so we got to see him these past few days. What a treat. He is such a great, smart, cute kid!!! Get ready for a bunch of pics of the boys coming up.

Isaac and Delia reading a book. He LOVES books. :)

Apparently he is quite ticklish!

Delia with the three little cousins.

They love sitting in Mama Ani's kitchen and "reading" and writing - quite the studious types if you ask me. :)

This "school" stuff is quite interesting. It takes concentration.

"ColoRez cu tuRcuaz?!" Turquoise is Isaac's color of choice.

Silvan LOVES puppies!!! Can you tell?

Luca loves hanging with his cousins!

This school stuff is some serious business!

I love to see them together!

Well friends, I must sign off but I plan to write again soon. Hope you are all well.